Are You A Helicopter Parent?

Dr. 假面: We hear the term all the time, helicopter parent. But what does that mean and is it a good thing to be one? We'll tackle that conversation today. 我是博士. Cindy Gellner on 范围.

播音员: Keep your kids healthy and happy. You are now entering The 健康儿童专区 with Dr. Cindy Gellner on 范围.

Dr. 假面: 直升机父母这个词最早出现在1969年的一本名为《大发娱乐》的书中, which is by teens that said their parents seem to hover over them like a helicopter. The term became popular enough that it actually became a dictionary entry in 2011.

直升机父母（Helicopter parenting）指过分关注孩子的父母. 他们通常会对孩子的经历承担太多的责任，尤其是他们的成功或失败. It means being involved in your child's life in a way that is over controlling, over protecting and over perfecting. 虽然这个词最常用于高中生或大学生的父母，他们做的任务是一个孩子能够独自完成的, for instance calling a professor about a bad grade, or arranging a class schedule.

Helicopter parenting can apply at any age. 孩子的直升机父母可能会一直跟着孩子玩，指导他们的行为，让他们没有时间独自探索和学习. 在小学，直升机式父母可以通过家长确保孩子有特定的老师来体现, 选择孩子的朋友和活动，或者在家庭作业和学校项目上大发娱乐提供太多的大发娱乐, pretty much doing it for them.

So why do some parents become helicopter parents? Helicopter parenting can develop for a number of reasons. First, there's the fear of dire consequences. A low grade or not making a team can appear a disaster to a parent, especially if it appears that it could be avoided if the parents just got involved. Many of the consequences parents are trying to prevent such as unhappiness, 不优秀，必须努力学习才能得到A，这对孩子们的学习是很好的，实际上并不会危及生命. It just feels that way to the parents and sometimes the child.

接下来是焦虑. 一般来说，对事情的担忧会促使父母更多地控制孩子的生活，试图保护他们. 担心会驱使父母控制自己，因为他们相信自己可以让孩子免受伤害或失望. Then there are the adults trying to overcompensate. 那些在儿童时期感到不被爱、被忽视或被忽视的人可以用自己的孩子来过度补偿. 过度的关注和监督是试图弥补父母在自己的成长过程中感到的缺陷.

Finally, peer pressure from other parents. When parents see other involved parents it can trigger a similar response. 大发娱乐可以很容易地感觉到，如果大发娱乐不让自己沉浸在孩子的生活中，大发娱乐就是糟糕的父母. Guilt is a large component in this dynamic.

Social media overload contributes to this heightened competition. 父母们在Facebook和Instagram上过度记录孩子们达到的每一个里程碑，许多帖子实际上没有想象到现实生活中发生了什么. 结果是，他们中的许多人在网上发布了一个不可思议的原始版本的家庭生活, which makes other parents try harder to keep up with the Joneses.

But what about the consequences of helicopter parenting? Isn't being involved more a good thing? 好吧, many helicopter parents do start off with good intentions, 但这是一个微妙而微妙的界限，既要参与到大发娱乐的孩子和他们的生活中，又不要太投入，以至于大发娱乐失去了他们作为父母需要大发娱乐做什么的视角. Engaged parenting has many benefits for a child. Increased feelings of love and acceptance, helping to build self confidence, and providing guidance and opportunities to grow.

问题是, once parenting becomes governed by fear and decisions are based on what might happen, 当大发娱乐没有在孩子身边指导他们的每一步时，很难记住他们学到的所有东西. Failure and challenges teach kids new skills, and most important teach kids that they can handle failure and challenges.

直升机父母的孩子经常表现出自信心和自尊心下降的感觉. The main problem with helicopter parenting is that it backfires. The underlying message that the parents over involvement sense to the kids is that, "My parent doesn't trust me to do this on my own."

Children also have undeveloped coping skills. 如果父母总是在那里清理孩子的烂摊子或防止问题出现在第一时间. How does the child ever learn to cope with loss, disappointment, or failure? 研究发现，直升机式父母会让孩子在处理自己生活中的压力时感到能力不足. 事实上，玛丽华盛顿大学的一项研究表明，过度养育与儿童焦虑和抑郁的程度较高有关.

Children who have always had their social, 父母调整了他们的学业和运动生活，以最适合他们的需要，他们会习惯总是随心所欲，因此他们会产生一种权利感.

Finally, these kids have undeveloped life skills. Parents who always tie shoes, 清晰的盘子, 包午餐, 即使孩子在精神上和身体上都有能力完成这些任务，每天也要洗衣服和监督学习进度，防止孩子自己掌握这些技能.

So how can one avoid being a helicopter parent? 父母怎样才能在不妨碍孩子学习重要生活技能的情况下关爱孩子呢? 作为父母 we have a very difficult job. No matter how much it hurts, parenting means letting children struggle. 所有ow them to be disappointed and when failure occurs help them work through it.

这意味着让你的孩子去做他们在生理和心理上都能完成的任务. Making your 3 year olds bed isn't hovering, making your 13 year olds bed is. Perhaps it would be better to do what is called drone parenting by some. 这使得父母可以随时关注和回应孩子的兴趣，而不是简单地指导和安排他们.

There is some backlash against drone parenting, 但这主要源于直升机父母认为无人机父母给了孩子很大的自由. 认为缺乏结构或规则设置导致年龄较大的儿童和年轻人可能无法遵守家庭以外的规则和标准.

大发娱乐中有多少人见过孩子穿着盛装或睡衣和父母一起在公共场合外出? Do they have too much freedom or are they being supported for their creativity? 作为父母，大发娱乐的工作是与孩子保持联系，观察他们，倾听他们，向他们学习. 但是，大发娱乐也必须认识到，为了最好地支持边界的发展，迫切需要边界.

Setting healthy boundaries with our children when done consistently, afford some of the opportunity to explore their individuality and question new ideas. 它还为大发娱乐父母大发娱乐提供了有用的信息，可以衡量大发娱乐的孩子对结构的反应如何，以及随着他们长大并进入社会，大发娱乐如何相应地调整绳子.

Setting boundaries with our kids is also a process. 大发娱乐要努力做到完美，不完美是可以的，有时犹豫一下也是可以的. Regardless of where your parenting approach lies, 在同样坎坷的道路上寻找其他父母会大发娱乐大发娱乐和大发娱乐的孩子度过难关. It takes a village to raise a child. 值得庆幸的是，在这个社交媒体的现代时代，当大发娱乐努力成为真正希望大发娱乐的孩子得到最好的父母时，不乏网站和帖子可供借鉴.

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